Students Sara Sturtevant, Christian Radican, and Shelby Harrell are working hard to overcome autism. Photo contributed.

By Shelby Harrell

Have you ever looked through a kaleidoscope and taken a notice of all of the bright and diverse colors on the other side? Or, maybe you remember back to the time you completed your first puzzle and noticed how all of the pieces, though different shapes and sizes seemed to connect, forming “The Big Picture.” This is how the world is viewed through autistic eyes. I would know this only because I have a form of autism called Asperger’s Syndrome.

I was diagnosed at about the time I started preschool, on account of my preschool teacher noticing something peculiar about my gait, the way I carry myself when I walk. After meeting with my parents and discussing it, it was recommended that they schedule an appointment to Riley’s Children’s Hospital. Upon arriving to my scheduled appointment, I was taken into a small, white walled room, where the doctor would ask me to perform a series of gait tests. During these tests, he would observe and record my mannerisms. After that, I would be taken to another room to meet with my parents, and the doctor would tell them what was observed.

The doctor warned them about going through the “phases” that tagged along with having a child be diagnosed with special needs. Most of them which included depression, confusion, and denial. My parents, however, went through none of these. Instead, they researched the condition for days on end, trying to come up with ways to help me through the upcoming years. Instead of using autism as an excuse, I was taught to use it as a tool and accomplish great things with it.

As I neared the sixth grade, that was when things started getting just a little tougher. Fortunately for me though, this was about the time I discovered a dormant love for running. I would not say that I had chosen to run, so much as running has chosen me and led me to compete in several different races, such as high school varsity cross country, and distance track. I would consider myself lucky because running serves as a sort of outlet for me. The reason I love to run so much would be because it provides me with a sense of achievement and accomplishment. I would have to agree with legendary Olympic sports figure Steve Prefontaine when I say that, “A race should not be run to see who is the fastest, but who has the most guts.”

Some would figure that autism is a great reason to run. I would argue that it would not make a difference. You see, autism is not an advantage. However, there is something about it that causes me to not feel as much, giving me a very high pain threshold, which basically just means that I have a great tolerance for extremely high levels of pain and discomfort. This gives me the ability to keep up a very fast pace, not burn out completely, and still have some reserved for my finishing sprint at the end of the race.

Although I have come very far in overcoming autism, I sometimes get myself down with doubts about myself, such as the thought or mentality that I am less than the other students, and it saddens me to think that I will always have less independence than those who have not been affected. But when I think thoughts like that, I consider it even more important to give a thought or two to those who are not so lucky. That kid who just sits in the back of the classroom or even leaves the room because he or she cannot speak. Everyone just passes by them, not even giving the time of day. They cannot talk in school, go home and talk to their families about their day, or when they are hurting, they cannot even tell their parents what is wrong or where it hurts. Their voices have been silenced by autism. And the sad things is they are probably the kids who have the most to say out of everyone. When I look at one of those kids, just the look on their face says, “Please stop labeling me. Autism is not all I am.” I say that it is time that we stop saying what we want and start speaking for those who can not do so. What I mean by this is that people should speak up for them before someone else completely takes advantage of them and the disability. But actions speak louder than words, so do not just talk to them, but maybe show them a kind gesture such as a smile, or a gentle hello. That will make a lasting impression on them. It is not easy for everyone else to see, but to me, it is plain. What I see is a student that needs something or someone to let them know, every once in awhile, that they are special.

Most important is that although autism is a small part of me, it is not all that I am. If fact, to me autism is a mere disorder and nothing else. Even though it is harder to learn as a student, It does not affect me as a person. It does not make me less than everyone else. Some people like to fit into these neat, tidy, little boxes and force themselves to only think as other people and not as themselves. They do this in order to “fit in.” I, however, am not a person that can do that. There is a quote–one of my favorites– that states, “Some of the most brilliant people out there are the ones who do not fit inside a box.” This quote was written by Thomas Edison who researchers have found to have had Asperger’s.

Even though there are millions of cases diagnosed every year, researchers have found autism to be more common in boys than girls. Roughly 1 out of every 166 children in the nation is diagnosed with autism. However, just because my thought process is different, that does not mean my life is. I get up in the morning, eat breakfast, go to school and practice almost the same as everyone else. What I am trying to say here is that though autism is a small part of me, it is not all that I am. There is so much more to me than just autism.

I sometimes used to fear that I was somehow less than the other students. However, I now know that that is not the case. I am not less, and neither is anyone else with the condition. We deserve a fair chance. Although autism is just one of the many different words in the dictionary, to me it is still just that: a word. And I am so much more than just a word. I am more than a grouping of letters and sounds. I am Shelby Harrell, I am autistic and I am okay with that.